ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
