That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
