the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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