So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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