I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
