we made out on top of his cat.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
