You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
