i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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