Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I want her autograph on my taint
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
