Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
