i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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