Swine flu. Run for my life!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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