Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
