we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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