just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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