My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Less talking, more tequila
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
