had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
