I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
