My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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