Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
