Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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