she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
