you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
