I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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