A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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