just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
