When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
