So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
