Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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