Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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