I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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