My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
