Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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