Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
