So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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