My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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