I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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