so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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