This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
