Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
