I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
