so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
