even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
