omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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