If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
