Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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