Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
