He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
