maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
