I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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