So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
