So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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