My sheets look like a crime scene.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
